The Sydney Train Bomber

A colleague described today’s early morning train trip to the city from the metropolitan outskirts:

“There were only a few of us in the carriage. We could smell something bad, but it was worse than a fart. Eventually, my companion got up to investigate and found … a human turd, sneakily laid in the single seat in that bit behind the stairs.”

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Now, although I have previously ranted about certain immigrants pissing and crapping all over the toilet seat, the above act is not the same.

The former is just ignorant peasants with no concern for their own comfort and hygiene, much less anyone else’s. Only the basest animals shit in their own nests.

The latter is a form of low level, urban terrorism against the lumpen middle class. It was a deliberate act, which involved some planning (at least of the undetected escape) and presumably some feeling of satisfaction at the envisioning of the consequences.

The poo says: “Smell me! Cop that, you army of corporate robots! Don’t think you’re secure in your trains, cars and houses! Al Turdawa can strike you when you least expect it!”

Unsettling the complacent. It is a necessary enterprise.

Some years ago, I lived almost opposite a golf course. At about 4am, a couple of friends and I were walking around it, when I felt the need to poo. So I dropped a big curler into the 1st hole.

Imagine the person who was first to putt their ball in next morning. Some old prick who got up at sparrow’s fart just to play golf. He would have been feeling very pleased with himself to have been the first of his group to sink the putt. I’d have loved to have seen the look on his face as he leant over and picked the ball out of the hole.

About an hour later, someone else felt a poo coming on, so we went back. It was still dark, so he dropped it in the 6th hole. Our reasoning was that the group who had been caught on the 1st hole would have been carefully inspecting the next few prior to putting, but by the 6th, would have been feeling confident the poo was a one off. Then …

Booyah Sah! Everyone knows poos come in twos!

These kinds of pranks are funny, because of the types of people they upset. They don’t do any real harm, but keep the populace on their toes, ever vigilant, as is the price of peace.