A Slight Excess Of Moral Panic?

A "disturbing, confusing nightmare" for an 11 year old boy “exposed to porn” by two other 11 year old boys?

He must have been a pretty sheltered kid … right there under mummy’s wing.

I know the standard of porn these days is a lot harder core than the Playboys, Penthouses and (if we were lucky) Hustlers we occasionally got to look at when I was his age. However, his mother’s quotes betray a hysterical moral panic and a smothering overprotectiveness:

The experience left Ben shaken and confused. He wasn't titillated by it, he was quite disgusted, he was upset, he was embarrassed and he was ashamed.

He was such an innocent, naive little boy and it all changed in one night.

Get over yourself, woman! If those quotes are not exaggerations, he certainly is a most delicate little flower. I’d suggest some realistic sex education immediately.

Where’s his father? Why isn’t he dealing with this? Given the above quotes, he was probably off to less arid pastures long ago.

Someone in the circle of friends obviously has an older brother who has shown them where to find this material. That’s how it happens and will continue to happen. The type of porn kids see these days is a lot stronger and more varied than prior to the advent of the internet. Children are being placed in more sexualised situations significantly earlier in life. Some of them are acting out what they have seen.

However, the way to deal with this social problem is not to ban porn, which is impossible. Nor is it to show kids strong porn in a controlled environment and discuss it as part of sex education: they will not understand it.

Even if most porn sites agree to put certain key words in the meta tags, so that child-proofing toolbar add-ons can filter them out, not all of them will bother. Also, there will always be a few computer savvy older siblings who show their younger brothers (or sisters) how to circumvent the filters. The younger brothers will then show their group of friends and you’re back to dealing with the problem in a more open way.

In an open society, honest discussion is what we should be aiming for, absent the hysterical moral panic. Sex education appropriate to the level of physical and emotional development, with more specific discussions if we find out little Johnny (or Braden) has seen something they shouldn’t.

Parents need to be actively involved; it cannot be left to the state education system. And yes, there might be the odd conversation along the lines of “do mum and dad really do that?” “No, most people don’t … and you shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do”, while Dad’s probably thinking: “It wouldn’t kill Mummy to try it”.