Get Over To The Side Of The Lane, Dickhead

It’s been made to look like a pair of overly aggressive, cyclist hating bogans in an unprovoked road rage attack on an innocent bike rider. Read a few paragraphs into the story and you’ll see it’s not so simple.

The cyclist, Chris Moore said he was:

“Riding in the middle lane because it was too narrow to ride next to a line of parked cars on the left, so the people in the red car started beeping and yelling. They then threw the battery at him as he turned right into Wilson Street and the man in the passenger seat later got out and punched him”.

In another interview, he said:

“I didn’t do anything to provoke him. I maybe held them up for 15-20 seconds and wasn’t riding that slowly.”

No, of course you didn’t provoke them and of course you weren’t riding slowly. You just ride in the middle of the driving lane at any speed you feel comfortable, for as long as you like. The road is there to share. The people behind you have nothing better to do than accommodate your self absorption.

I ride a bike. I used to ride a lot. I always ride at the edge of the lane. There’s at least two to three feet between it and the parked cars. If there was less, people wouldn’t be able to get out without having their door swiped or being hit themselves. Most bike riders understand this and are quite capable of riding in this way, so that cars (for whom the roads are built) can drive past them.

There is a small percentage of cyclists like this complete prick above who give everyone else a bad name because they are delusional enough to believe they have just as much right to the road as cars, buses and trucks. You don’t, because bikes can’t travel at the same speed as cars. It’s the same reason people don’t have a right to travel down busy roads in a horse and cart.

Some fucking arsehole did it to me a few weeks ago. He was literally doing about 25 - 30km/h. Wasn’t even trying to ride quickly. Could easily have moved over; there was plenty of space.

What kind of fuckwits think they have a right to hold up an entire lane of traffic and then act as if people are so uncaring and aggressive and always in such a hurry when disabused of this notion? Guardian readers, that’s who. Green voters. Chardonnay socialists. Sanctimonious, useless dickheads. People who ask to get punched.

If you want equal rights on the road, pay rego and petrol taxes and actually contribute to the maintenance of said roads. Oh, and give up your advantage of jumping across footpaths, riding on the wrong side of the road, riding the wrong way down one way streets and running red lights. I do all of the above, when it’s safe. The quid pro quo is: don’t hold up the traffic.

A speed limit of 60 means drive at 60, not 30, 40 or whatever you feel like. Don’t ride your bike in the middle of the driving lane if you can’t match the speed of the rest of the traffic. Get over to the side of the lane. If you’re too timid or uncoordinated to handle this, get off the fucking road altogether. You don’t have some right to inconvenience large numbers of people, even though you’re so environmentally conscious and vote Green, are generally more moral than the rest of us and support the refugees and Aboriginal land rights.

And Chris Moore: Why did you get punched?

Because you took their photo. What did you think was going to happen after you did that? You’re lucky they didn’t beat the shit out of you.