Eat Da Poo Poo!

Here is the (in)famous Eat Da Poo Poo! video from Pastor Dr. Martin Ssempa, chairman of the National Taskforce Against Homosexuality in Uganda. It has of course gone viral because of the plethora of hilarious catchphrases.

The good “Doctor” has an MA in counseling from Philadelphia Biblical University, clearly one of the world’s top educational institutions. PBU offers bachelor degrees in bible studies, optionally coupled with courses such as business, education or science (lots of essays on intelligent design, I’m guessing).

A little searching uncovers the claim, apparently quoted directly from PBU’s website (although I couldn’t find it there):

Ssempa also received an honorary degree from PBU in 2006 for his ministry of compassion to HIV/AIDS victims in his native land.

I do not see mentioned any doctoral program anywhere in its graduate programs page, so one might well ask how PBU is able to award an honorary doctorate when it is apparently not possible to obtain one from the university by actual academic work. One might also ask what any university, even a "university" such as PBU would hope to achieve by giving an honorary doctorate to such an obvious goose.

But let’s get to the main point of the article: this clown’s video.

In it, Martin Ssempa attempts to show the audience graphic examples of gay male fetish sex (shit eating and fisting) as an argument in favour of outlawing homosexuality. At the risk of spoilers, I’ll describe my favourite quotes:

“I’ve taken time to do a little research to know what homosexuals do”.

Well buddy, it would take more than a little research to find the stuff you got hold of. You’ve apparently put quite a bit of effort into this “research”. A labour of love, clearly.

The best parts of the video are his descriptions to the audience of what is going on in the videos:

“… and the other person is poopooing … and this one is eating tha poopoo … like ice cream”. One bloke up the front is vigorously taking notes.

The good Pastor takes great delight in showing the laptop screen around the audience, including women: “Look at this guy sincerely, Bishop …”

Later on:

“They start off by touching each other’s genitals and smelling each other … then this one smears tha poopoo all over the other person’s face …”

When it gets to the fisting scene:

“… as if that is not enough, he puts the haand deeppaaahhh!!!”

Apparently, it’s all Barack Obama’s fault:

“We ask Barack Obama to explain to us: Is this what he wants to bring to Africa as a human right … to eat da poo poo?”

The crowd erupts out of their seats, shaking their fists as if to cry: “No, by God! We must fight to the death so Barack Obama does not make us eat da poo poo!”

… and they say they want to be treated with a level of respect afforded to equals?